


I've Missed You

by Surveycorpse



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2014-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-07 00:28:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1113334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Surveycorpse/pseuds/Surveycorpse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas finally gets to see Dean again after months of missing him, but it's only for a little while.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Missed You

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so, I was actually a bit teary when I wrote this one. I just love Cas and Dean so much okay geez
> 
> Anyway, just like I did in my last fic I'm going to recommend a song for this fic. It's actually the same one. It's a song that fits with just about anything that's sad in my opinion. 
> 
> River Flows In You by Yiruma
> 
> Alrighty, so if you could please please PLEASE give me some feedback, it would be much appreciated. I don't consider myself the best writer and it would be much appreciated if I could have a few suggestions about what I need to work on, and the like. Of course, compliments are always nice too :)
> 
> If you'd like to follow me on tumblr I am youhadmefromhellodean!

Dean leaned against the hood of the Impala and took Castiel’s hands in his own. He swung them back forth every now and again as he stared at Cas.; neither one of them bothered to speak. Dean had a small smile on his face, but Cas’ expression was just the opposite: his eyes were wide and filled with surprise; he looked as though he had seen a ghost. 

The weather outside was cold, and the sky overcast, but it didn’t seem to bother either of them in the least.

This was the first time that Cas had seen Dean in months and his lack of words were due only to that fact. Otherwise, he was absolutely thrilled that the hunter was here, right in front of him, but why was he here? How could he be here?

“Say something,” Dean pleaded. The look on his face was one of confusion and dejection. He didn’t understand why Cas wasn’t speaking. After all, they hadn’t seen each other in so long.

Cas just shook his head in disbelief. His Dean was here, right in front of him, but he couldn’t find anything to say, all words had managed to escape him. Of course, what exactly was he to say to someone that was supposed to be dead?

“Dean,” was the only word that Cas could manage to let slip out of his mouth. His voice was even lower than usual; he was having a hard time keeping the crushing agony he was experiencing from creeping into his tone. The angel didn’t want Dean to realize how much he had actually missed him. He spent nights-and even most days-constantly thinking about the person that he had lost, the person that was, now, standing right in front of him. It had gotten to the point where he wished that he could sleep and escape from all of those thoughts, but he also knew that if Dean wasn’t in his thoughts, he would be in his dreams. The hunter invaded every thought and every feeling that Cas felt and, honestly, he wanted it to end, but when you loved someone as much as he loved Dean it was nearly impossible for you to ever get rid of them.

Dean reached up and ran his thumb over the face of the amulet that was hanging around Cas’ neck. Cas gently laid his hand on top of Dean’s and squeezed it lightly. After a moment, he even let their fingers intertwine.

“This looks good on you,” Dean told him. He was doing his best to keep his tone light. As happy as he was to see Cas, this entire moment was making him uncomfortable. Even in death, he didn’t know how to deal with the “chick-flick” moments. 

Still, all Cas could do was stare. Having Dean here brought back all of the memories that he had been trying to repress, all of the memories that continued to plague his thoughts regardless. 

It happened on a day opposite this one- the sky was as blue as it had ever been, and there was not a cloud in sight; there hadn’t been for at least a few weeks prior. The temperature was warm, but Cas was still wearing his oversized trench coat and Dean was still wearing his long-sleeved plaid shirt. It was only supposed to be a routine demon killing, but there had been more of them than Cas and Dean had ever anticipated there would be. Dean had sworn to Sam that he and Cas could take care of it, so Sam had been confined to Bobby’s house to help him look for their next case. 

At first, there had only been one demon, and Dean took that one out easily, but then another appeared, and then another, and before they knew it, they were surrounded. Dean had turned to Cas then, grabbed him by his jacket’s lapels, and slammed his lips against Cas’. It was almost as though he knew that they wouldn’t make it out of here alive. In fact, that was probably exactly what he thought. It was painful, Cas had to admit, but it was also so wonderful that he wanted to stay with Dean like this forever, he wanted a future with him, but now that would never happen. This was the first time he had ever kissed another being, human or otherwise, yet he couldn’t imagine his first kiss being with anybody else but Dean.

Dean gave him a sad smile, ran his hand softly down Cas’ cheek, then turned and started fighting. He did the best he could to fight them all off with his small demon-killing knife, and Cas was doing the same, except his weapon of choice was an angel blade. The angel knew that he should have been fighting with Dean, but he was trying to take on the demons on the opposite side so he had no choice but to keep his back to him. It was a mistake that he knew he would regret for as long as he breathed. 

Cas took out the last demon on his side then turned around quickly so that he could help Dean with his, but Dean wasn’t where Cas had expected him to be. Instead of turning to see Dean’s back, he saw nothing. Cas lowered his head slowly and that’s when he saw Dean’s lifeless body, sprawled out on the ground like a rag doll. He fell to his knees and looked at Dean with a blank stare. He hadn’t even heart him cry out. Why hadn’t he asked Cas for help? Castiel felt a white-hot rage building inside of him. He was surprised that he was angry, not at the demons, but at Dean. His pride had gotten in the way of him asking for help, and that was his ultimate downfall. The hunter had never been one to ask for assistance, but this was different, this was a matter of life and death and, in his own way, he had chosen death. Why did Cas have to be so unlucky as to fall in love with such a stubborn human?

Cas crawled over to Dean, his vision blurred by tears. The hunter was lying in a pool of his own blood. Cas couldn’t tell where it was coming from, and at that point he didn’t care. I can heal him, he thought to himself frantically, he’ll be fine. He knew this was a lie, but he couldn’t let himself believe it right now. All that mattered was getting to Dean. When Cas reached him, Dean’s eyes were open and lifeless, there was no more light, only darkness. Cas moved Dean’s head carefully so that it was lying in his lap. He bent over him protectively, his back hunched so as to create a barrier against anything and everything that would try to get near him. 

Why? The angel’s mind focused only on that word, unable to come up with anything else. All of this, it wasn’t fair. 

Cas hadn’t realized he had been crying until he felt Dean’s finger brush against his cheek.

“Don’t cry, angel,” Dean whispered. 

Cas wasn’t able to meet his eyes. “Dean, why are you here?” he asked, the words coming out slowly and deliberately.

To answer his question, Dean reached out and cradled the amulet in his palm. “You have to burn it.”

Cas’ head snapped up and he glared at Dean, his eyes cold. “No,” he growled.

Dean gave him another one of his sad smiles. Cas was really starting to hate those. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” he snapped, “if it weren’t for your stupidity, we wouldn’t be in this situation.”

Dean continued to regard him with a sad look, the smile still plastered to his face. He couldn’t show Cas how broken he was, how empty he felt without him. Dean had been stuck here for months because Cas had neglected to burn the amulet, and all that time Dean had had to miss Cas. He knew it was partially his fault. He hadn’t wanted to tell the angel about the amulet immediately because he wanted time with his angel, even if it meant only watching him from a distance, but he knew it would be better for both of them if the amulet was burned. That way Cas could move on and Dean could have some semblance of peace.

“You have to burn the amulet, Cas.”

“I don’t want to burn it!” Cas was surprised by the fierceness of his own voice. Without Dean, he would just become what he had been: another one of heaven’s soldiers. He didn’t want that, he wanted anything but that. He wanted to be with the man he loved. He wanted to be happy-something that he hadn’t been before Dean came along, and something that he no longer was without him. 

Dean moved forward and wrapped his arms around Cas’ neck. “I love you, Cas, and I will always love you. We’ll see each other again soon.” 

Cas laid his head on Dean’s shoulder for a moment before he made himself move away and unclasp the amulet from around the hunter’s neck. He laid it gently on the ground and then looked at Dean. Dean smiled.

“I love you, Cas,” he repeated before Cas set fire to the amulet. Dean was still smiling as the flames engulfed him. It took only seconds for him to disappear. 

Cas stared blankly at what little remained of the amulet. 

“I love you too, Dean.”


End file.
